Monday, November 17, 2008

The Judge

I can't believe how fast its all going. Next week I will go home for Thanksgiving and then it is only two weeks until the end of the semester.
Today we got into some theory in my Grotowski class, which my analytical brain was very thirsty and grateful for. I am really fascinated with the way Erica (our teacher) breaks down the components of our personality into "observer" "experiencer" and "judge". I have some notion of observer and experiencer from Yoga and Buddhist philosophy, but I never realized until this work how attached I am to my Judge. As Erica says, the Judge is very seductive and sly, and often our experiencer thinks it is hearing the voice of the observer when it is really the judge. So without even thinking about it, we take certain things as fact that are really judgements, especially when it comes to ourselves. For example, right now I might be thinking "Don't write about that, Kate, nobody cares about your obscure Grotowski shit!" That's the voice of my Judge all right. To see myself objectively might be a life's work!
These ideas are interesting in connection to our art making, but even more awe-inspiring when I think of how it could change my life, to fully notice when the voice inside me is a judge. Erica encourages us not to label the judge as bad, but rather to take the energy that the judge creates in us and to use that energy in our work. It is a form of power, but to get lost in the judge's voice will make you powerless. Following? Well I hope not, because I am paying a pretty penny to actually get this stuff so why should you be able to understand it from reading a sloppy blog entry?
Okay, that's enough sass from me. I must get back to work.

No comments: