Investment advice

Hello? Hellllooooooooooooooooooo? Anybody out there? Its me, Fever Kate. I have emerged from the cocoon that is the Nalanda campus where I have lived almost non-stop for the last month. I have Suzuki-ed with Leon Ingulsrud, I have Grotowski-ed with Erica Berg, I have made my first solo piece that had other people in it, I have toiled on behalf of the honeybees, I have drank many ounces of booze, I have slept little. And suddenly I am expected to have days off? Highly suspicious...Hey kids, what time is it? Its "Kate references a depressing political documentary time"! Last night I watched Maxed Out, a lovely portrait of several families who's loved ones (ranging from teenagers to mothers) have offed themselves because they were drowning in debt. Oh but don't fret, even those of us who have not yet succumbed to credit card debt have much to plague us--the national debt which is eating away our tax dollars in interest, the dissappearing social security fund, the increasing difficulty in getting a home loan. At the end of the movie the economist that was their specialist throughout is describing the most desperate Americans, and I suddenly realized she was talking about me! "Living paycheck to paycheck, unable to pay their medical bills, if even one thing goes wrong in their life it can set off a financial catastrophe" Yep, that sounds about like the tightrope that I am walking. Yet I know I am much better off than most of the people who were interviewed. I have invested in myself, rather than stocks and bonds, I believe this is the most secure investment that can be made. I am healthy, educated, growing into a more well-rounded person every day. And I may just make it through the semester without any credit card debt, though the student loan debt will be a proud badge that I wear for most of my adult life. Okay, so investment advice: Don't eat crap, work on yourself, do yoga, do what you love, don't trust anybody that offers you a free lunch and has a place to sign for it. And remember that you don't need money to be happy--cheesy but true. And never ever ever think that your life is worth less than your financial debt. Money is a symbol that represents goods and services--it has no inherent value, whereas you inhabit in your being all the value that there is in the universe.

The Judge

I can't believe how fast its all going. Next week I will go home for Thanksgiving and then it is only two weeks until the end of the semester.
Today we got into some theory in my Grotowski class, which my analytical brain was very thirsty and grateful for. I am really fascinated with the way Erica (our teacher) breaks down the components of our personality into "observer" "experiencer" and "judge". I have some notion of observer and experiencer from Yoga and Buddhist philosophy, but I never realized until this work how attached I am to my Judge. As Erica says, the Judge is very seductive and sly, and often our experiencer thinks it is hearing the voice of the observer when it is really the judge. So without even thinking about it, we take certain things as fact that are really judgements, especially when it comes to ourselves. For example, right now I might be thinking "Don't write about that, Kate, nobody cares about your obscure Grotowski shit!" That's the voice of my Judge all right. To see myself objectively might be a life's work!
These ideas are interesting in connection to our art making, but even more awe-inspiring when I think of how it could change my life, to fully notice when the voice inside me is a judge. Erica encourages us not to label the judge as bad, but rather to take the energy that the judge creates in us and to use that energy in our work. It is a form of power, but to get lost in the judge's voice will make you powerless. Following? Well I hope not, because I am paying a pretty penny to actually get this stuff so why should you be able to understand it from reading a sloppy blog entry?
Okay, that's enough sass from me. I must get back to work.

Beeeeeen a while

Hello imaginary friends,
I know I have not posted for a while, this is because I have been at school for 13 hours every day trying to create 6 minutes of watchable performance about the missing honeybees. You would think I would have something by now, but I am convinced that I might just be a hack. Of course, this stage in the creation process is always a bit like this, since I have gone crazy and lost all perspective on who I am, what I like, or why I am doing this. Last night my rehearsal was visited by Leon Ingulsrud of the SITI company, who is our visiting artist right now. He is the least intimidating celebrity theater artist, and we spent most of the feedback session making stupid jokes (Leon's specialty) about bees. Then we had margaritas and I was privvy to his stories of "how it really happened"--"it" being the beginning of the SITI company. I have a hangover today, but it was all worth it. It is kind of amazing just to be sitting in this tiny Mexican restaurant after they have closed and they are vacuuming the floors and here I am talking to this person who has lived the life I can only fantasize about, but then maybe I am living this life! This is the funny thing about growing up, and about being a dream chaser--if you climb that mountain long enough you will eventually get to the top, it is just inevitable. And once you get there it won't be so shocking, because you will be like "duh, I've been climbing this damn mountain for 10 years so of course I am at the top." I am in no way insinuating that I have reached my peak, but simply that I have come quite a ways and I can look down and see the life I used to have and I can look up and see the life that is very much within reach to me and it is incredible.

WooHoo!

WoooooooooooooHooooooooooo!
Woo!
Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

I came home tonight and my landlords had hung an American flag in front of our house. May it fly proud once again (sniff).

Ayayayayayayayayayayaya!
Woooooooooohooooooo!

Thank you, fellow Americans, for coming through and renewing my faith in humanity.

Love,
Kate