The Judge

I can't believe how fast its all going. Next week I will go home for Thanksgiving and then it is only two weeks until the end of the semester.
Today we got into some theory in my Grotowski class, which my analytical brain was very thirsty and grateful for. I am really fascinated with the way Erica (our teacher) breaks down the components of our personality into "observer" "experiencer" and "judge". I have some notion of observer and experiencer from Yoga and Buddhist philosophy, but I never realized until this work how attached I am to my Judge. As Erica says, the Judge is very seductive and sly, and often our experiencer thinks it is hearing the voice of the observer when it is really the judge. So without even thinking about it, we take certain things as fact that are really judgements, especially when it comes to ourselves. For example, right now I might be thinking "Don't write about that, Kate, nobody cares about your obscure Grotowski shit!" That's the voice of my Judge all right. To see myself objectively might be a life's work!
These ideas are interesting in connection to our art making, but even more awe-inspiring when I think of how it could change my life, to fully notice when the voice inside me is a judge. Erica encourages us not to label the judge as bad, but rather to take the energy that the judge creates in us and to use that energy in our work. It is a form of power, but to get lost in the judge's voice will make you powerless. Following? Well I hope not, because I am paying a pretty penny to actually get this stuff so why should you be able to understand it from reading a sloppy blog entry?
Okay, that's enough sass from me. I must get back to work.

Beeeeeen a while

Hello imaginary friends,
I know I have not posted for a while, this is because I have been at school for 13 hours every day trying to create 6 minutes of watchable performance about the missing honeybees. You would think I would have something by now, but I am convinced that I might just be a hack. Of course, this stage in the creation process is always a bit like this, since I have gone crazy and lost all perspective on who I am, what I like, or why I am doing this. Last night my rehearsal was visited by Leon Ingulsrud of the SITI company, who is our visiting artist right now. He is the least intimidating celebrity theater artist, and we spent most of the feedback session making stupid jokes (Leon's specialty) about bees. Then we had margaritas and I was privvy to his stories of "how it really happened"--"it" being the beginning of the SITI company. I have a hangover today, but it was all worth it. It is kind of amazing just to be sitting in this tiny Mexican restaurant after they have closed and they are vacuuming the floors and here I am talking to this person who has lived the life I can only fantasize about, but then maybe I am living this life! This is the funny thing about growing up, and about being a dream chaser--if you climb that mountain long enough you will eventually get to the top, it is just inevitable. And once you get there it won't be so shocking, because you will be like "duh, I've been climbing this damn mountain for 10 years so of course I am at the top." I am in no way insinuating that I have reached my peak, but simply that I have come quite a ways and I can look down and see the life I used to have and I can look up and see the life that is very much within reach to me and it is incredible.

WooHoo!

WoooooooooooooHooooooooooo!
Woo!
Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

I came home tonight and my landlords had hung an American flag in front of our house. May it fly proud once again (sniff).

Ayayayayayayayayayayaya!
Woooooooooohooooooo!

Thank you, fellow Americans, for coming through and renewing my faith in humanity.

Love,
Kate

OMG Honey bee!

Hi guys,
tonight we focus on the issue of missing honey bees. We do this because I am embodying the ghost of a honey bee for Halloween, and also for a performance piece I am creating.
We do this because we love honey bees.
Here is a link to a pretty cute You Tube video about honey bees:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOIP0UPiLvA
and in case disco aint your thing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m5vt07W2n4&feature=related
Yo, where my bees?
Okay, you've already heard of the missing honey bees, so tell me what you think happened to them, and don't worry about "science" and "facts", just make it an interesting story...the creator of the best bee story will get a free ticket to my "dance of the bee ghosts" at Naropa University on November 22nd.

I don't like violence

It has been a very busy weekend where I pretended I was on vacation, but I am back! I did not live the monastic life these last two days, thankfully, but rather saw some thesis performances from the second year students of my program and had many drinks and debates about the merits of said performances.
I have something life changing for you. If you have not already seen it, please for the love of God watch the documentary Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism.
It should be mandatory viewing for all Americans. And here is a question that I have; can fire be fought with fire, or should it be fought with water? For example, in this movie they talk about a tactic that Republicans use of coordinating a "message of the day", particularly during election time, and watching this message effectively echo, pretty much verbatum, across the mouths of politicians, "newscasters", shock jocks and eventually the American public. I have noticed that some of my favorite "liberal media" types, such as Moveon.org, tend to use this method as well. Of course, they are a small non-profit online list serve, versus being a huge broadcasting network that reaches millions of people in their homes, auto shops and sports bars, whether they want it or not. I feel very uneasy about using the propagandish tactics of right-wingers to try to fight back. Even though I agree with the spread of true information and the need to spread it fast in these times of lighting speed communication, the truest of true information requires time to digest and, well, contemplate. I believe in my heart of hearts that until we change the roots of our culture we cannot change anything, not really. Until we look honestly at what violence is, on every level, we cannot be peaceful. Violence is defamation, violence is manipulation, violence is polarization. How do I spread truth without spreading these things, which are at their center lies? I can focus all I want on my "enemies", Rupert Murdoch, Bill O' Reilly and the many other assholes who make this country feel like a war zone, but I am them, through and through, until I decide not to be. Until I decide that I will never tell Bill O' Reilly to "Shut Up" because I don't need to because I don't need to perpetuate the chain of violence that he tries so desperately to start. Okay, so I will probably never have the opportunity to decide whether or not to tell Bill O' Reilly to shut up, but I can apply this to all of the people I do meet and talk to, and I can apply this to the way that I talk about others. But I have to admit this is very hard. It is very hard not to want to perpetuate some form of violence on Bill O' Reilly, isn't it? Violence is much sneakier than we give it credit for.

Another day in Boulder...

...ah, the monastic life. Wait, what's that you say? I don't live in a monastery? Oh sure, not the conventional kind where they feed you and there's other like minded people in the rooms next to you. Nope, this is more like some kind of purgatory. By day I am immersed in "peeling off the layers of the onion", as they say, and by night...not a lot going on. Just waiting. Waiting for my real life to begin.
Okay, enough whining. Let's talk about my big night on the town last night! I was up until 1:30AM at the International Film Series-wow, call in the curfew enforcement. And you wouldn't believe how wild I got--I actually asked Charlie Kaufman a question in the Q&A--do I know how to party or what? Seriously though, it was an amazing movie, highly recommended: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383028/
And it happens to be about a theater director who makes what might be the biggest budget experimental theater production I have ever witnessed. This is pretty much the highlight of my week, oh blog readership. I went to school, I rolled around on the floor, I made loud and quiet noises, I came home and fried some tempeh. I am considering going to bed at 9:00.
I will report back later this weekend, after I have at least done something thrilling, like attended a yoga class! Incidentally, when you see the new Charlie Kaufman movie remember to make a fun of the irony of my line "waiting for my life to begin". That is pretty much the theme of this epic masterpiece. You'd think I would learn my lesson and stop waiting!

Artistic Superheroes

Today one of my teachers, Barbara Dilley, presented her artistic lineage and history to us. It was quite fascinating--she used to be in league with some of the biggest names in post-modernism. She was a member of the Merce Cunningham Dance Troupe, and she showed us video of their work that was sound-tracked live by John Cage, and one of the pieces had film design by Stan Brakhage. It was quite interesting to watch these artists at work in the 60's, making work not unlike what we are doing today, and getting just as little respect and money for it. Of course today at least some of them are "famous", in that we study what they were doing and the influence it had on the art forms they were working in. Barbara Dilley herself never made a living as an artist, she had to keep side jobs as a waitress until she started teaching at Naropa in the 70's. And she left her first child with his father in order to keep pursuing her art. I would like to think that we live in an age where women and men have learned how to work together to support both their careers and their families, or that at least I have what I need in order to do that. Who knows--it is a definite challenge that us "dancer" types face, especially women. There has to be an order to things in order to live a sensible life as an artist, and the questions "when will I be able to quit my day job?" or "when will I have health insurance?" must come before "when to have a child?". At least it seems that way...it was wonderful and sad at the same time to see Barbara's life laid out like that--she had so much "success" in terms of recognition, she worked with some huge names, and yet she had to sacrifice so much it seems. But she is very at peace with herself--one senses this as soon as you meet her. I feel that her generation did a lot of experimenting, and that my generation is in this amazing position to be able to learn from the outcome of their experiments, both with their artistic work and their personal lives. I take my hat off to all of those anarchistic artists who have come before me, to all of the children of the 60's who had to learn for the first time what would happen when women experimented with their own power in new ways, to all whose findings inform our work today.
Okay, it is now time to go because I have another artistic superhero to meet; Charlie Kaufman!
If the name doesn't ring a bell, its because screenwriters are sadly neglected in the world of celebrity idols. But everybody knows his films--some of the most brilliant of our time. Adaptation, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and Being John Malkovich, to name a few.
Charlie will be at CU tonight presenting his new film, which has not even been released yet, for FREE. CU makes us Naropa kids look like paupers, but at least we get to take advantage of their resources every now and again.
I will report if anything mind-bending occurs, and in the meantime go and look up your own artistic superheroes and find out how they got where they did--that is your life changing assignment for the night.